I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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