I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
