I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
