The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
