My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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