hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have fence marks all over my body
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