Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
