Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
