Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
