I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
