The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
