She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
