youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
