My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
