this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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