I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
