if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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