I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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