I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You were trust falling into bushes
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
