I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His hands were made for my vagina.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
