I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
