All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
