Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
