So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
