i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
