And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
