I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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