No stitches, just platelets and will power
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
