Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
someone threw a dead crab at me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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