Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I touched a dick in church today
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
