Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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