Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
