What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
