Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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