Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
