After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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