I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
