she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
