ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You took a bar mat shot.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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