Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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