well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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