The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
