She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
