i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
