Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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