you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
