I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
