well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My underwear smells like fireworks.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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