3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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