I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
