The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just gargled with NyQuil
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
