I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
