So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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