and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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