i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
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