Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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